


this rose garden called my heart

by o_shit_waddup



Category: SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Squidward Needs A Hug, i put too much effort into this tbh, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-17 19:21:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9339497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/o_shit_waddup/pseuds/o_shit_waddup
Summary: Frankly, Edward Tanenbaum has gotten used to the repetition. Get up, go to work, work all day, go home, fall asleep. When his high school band classmate, William Fitzroy, comes knocking on his door at 4 in the morning to beg Edward to let him in, Edward's routine becomes shattered.(human au or something)





	1. one of many

**Author's Note:**

> i cant even explain why or what caused me to write this monstrosity, but you know what? i want to die so,

Everyday, Edward Tanenbaum wakes up to the sound of his neighbours screaming. He tries to block out the noise by covering his head with his pillow, but it doesn’t work. It never works.

Everyday, Edward leaves his house and  is ambushed by his too old to be acting like toddlers neighbors. He sighs, and tolerates the yelling of “Hi, Edward! Do you want to go fishing?!” Edward never answers and goes to his garage where his 30 year old bicycle rots.

Everyday, Edward rides this bicycle to a job he hates, working for a man that  barely pays him, talking to customers he can  barely stand, standing at a register that’s at least 23 years old. Edward complains to his boss, and his boss, Eugene Krauss, complains about money and tells him to go back to work. 

Everyday, during his break, Edward sits in a bathroom stall, bleeding onto too cheap toilet paper. He doesn’t mind the pain too much. Dealing with the infection that starts from the dirty bathroom and the rusted metal is worse.

Everyday , Edward rides home and deals with the screaming of his neighbours, who follow him into his home and tries to “befriend him”.  Everyday , Edward kicks out his neighbours and tries to play an instrument he knows for a fact he’s awful at.

Everyday , Edward considers throwing himself out of his window to the ground, but never goes through with it.

Everyday , Edward lies on his bed and falls asleep to the sound of moaning from his neighbor's home.

Edward has gotten used to the routine.

 

* * *

 

Edward woke up at 4:23 am with the undying urge to use the bathroom. He got up, left his room, and as he got to the bathroom, the sound of his doorbell ringing shook him out of his depressive stupor.

He walked downstairs, avoiding the broken step, and opened the door to the red face of William Fitzroy.

“Oh, my god,” William took in a deep breath as he walked into Edward's home. “I can’t fucking believe this, Tanenbaum. You won’t believe this.”

Edward, sleep deprived and hungry, nodded as William  started ranting .

“My fucking parents, who, by the way, are pieces of shit, called me at like, 2 am and told me my entire fucking house is going to be repossessed,” William wiped his eyes and sat down on Edward’s couch. “Which, is like, so stupid? Does that make any sense? I’ve been making all of the payments! I’m William Fitzroy! Oh, yeah, guess what? They went into my bank account and claimed all of the shit I’ve bought over the years is theirs, which really pisses me off because they know for a fact I’ve made a career out of the shit I’ve done for myself! Just because I used the money from them to fund my college education does not mean that they own me and my fucking bank account!”

Edward stared at William for a few seconds, trying to process the information he learned.

“Are you going to say something or are you going to stand there and gape like a dumbass?” He let out a shaky breath. “Jesus christ, I’m fucking bankrupt…”

“Okay… why should I care?” Edward mumbled as he sat on the loveseat.

“Are you  actually serious?” William stood, glaring at him. “You can’t be serious. I have no other friends besides you and my cult followers, Nicholas could  care less about me now  that  I have less than a fucking penny to my name, and everyone else that I’ve ever talked to hated me.”

Edward stared at the man. 

“I mean, when you put it that way...” Edward tapped his chin. “Fine. What do you want me to do? Get you a job at the Krauss Imperial Diner? Take you in as my mentor? Teach you the ways of the Krauss?”

William rolled his eyes and sighed.

“I want you to let me stay here until I’m able to get back on my feet.” 

Edward stared at William for a few seconds, processing the information. This rich man who he’s known for years wants to stay with him in his home because he’s bankrupt? What was the likelihood of that?

Of course, Edward wasn’t an asshole, so he sighed.

“Fine, whatever,” William’s eyes shined. “But, there’s a few things I don’t want you to do. Don’t wake me up on weekends. Don’t cook food for me, I know you can’t cook to save your life, and by all circumstances, if you see a small man and his fat friend at the door, do not let them in. Got it?”

William nodded  quickly .

“ Alright ,” Edward sighed. “You can sleep on the couch for now. I’ll buy you a futon or something.”

William scoffed. “The couch?  Really ? In my mansion we sleep on duck feathers-”

“I swear to god if you don’t shut up and lay down I’ll take your duck feathers and shove them up your ass.” Mumbling, Edward stood.

William put his head down on the lumpy pillow. “Goodnight, Tanenbaum.”

“Goodnight, Fitzroy.”

Edward went upstairs, used the bathroom, and laid awake in his bed, thinking of how long it would take until William slit his throat in the middle of the night.


	2. two of many

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> squidward is gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> after many months and many people saying that this is good(??) ive finally decided to continue writing this.

Edward Tanenbaum woke up at 7 in the morning and yawned. He maneuvered through his messy bedroom to go to the bathroom and get ready for work. As he showered and scratched at the new scabs forming on his biceps, he noticed the new addition of a pink toothbrush in the toothbrush holder.

Edward remembered his house guest and  internally groaned, regretting all of his life decisions.

Edward left the shower, put on his work clothes, left the bathroom and walked downstairs to a grease fire and William Fitzroy sitting on his ass, crying.

“Oh my god,” Edward exclaimed. “Didn’t I tell you to not fucking cook for me?”

William nodded, scooting away from the fire as Edward reached for the cabinet, taking out the baking soda and pouring it all over the stove.

“How…” William sputtered. “How does that work?”

“When baking soda  is heated , it releases carbon dioxide, and carbon dioxide removes oxygen or something,” Edward sighed, throwing the charred pan out of the window. “So, therefore, the fire would  be put out because fires  are fueled by oxygen.”

William stared at Edward as he swept the stove.

“Didn’t you learn this in science class?” Edward mumbled.

“Well,” William stood, legs shaking. “In high school, I didn’t  really give much of a shit about anything, so whenever they went through this I tuned out and  started doodling .”

He shrugged, walking over to Edward.

“No wonder you’re so stupid.”

“I heard that , asshole.”

Edward threw the baking soda remains into the trash can and walked towards the front door.

“Where are you going?” William asked, following him.

“Work,” Edward glanced at the shoe rack. “I’ll be back at around… 7, I think.”

“Wait,” Edward winced as William grabbed his bicep with wide eyes. “7 pm? As in, 7 o'clock at night? What the hell am I going to do while you’re gone?”

“Make yourself useful,” Edward shrugged. “I don’t know, do I look like Google?”

William chuckled. “Yeah, you do.”

“Look, I need to go.” Edward sighed, glancing at the door. “Please just do something while I’m gone.”

“Okay,” William muttered as Edward left his house.

* * *

 

As Edward rode his bike back from the Krauss Imperial Diner, bleeding wounds on his hips, he sighed and looked at the setting sun over the horizon.

He turned the corner on Conch Street, rode his bike onto his property, and walked inside his home to a pile of books strewn out across his living room and William Fitzroy in the middle of the mess, reading a particularly large book.

Edward stepped over the books, going towards William.

“If you want to read my books,” William jumped. “Please, for the love of god, pick them up when you’re done.”

Blushing, William scrambled to pick up the fallen books.

“Sorry,” William muttered. “I was bored and I didn’t realize how long it had been since this morning.”

Edward sighed at the sight of William trying to pick up a stack of 6 or 7 books and falling.

“Jesus,” Edward helped William up. “I’ll help you, you pathetic bastard.”

“Thanks,” William mumbled.

Edward and William picked up the books, placing them back on their bookshelves. Edward glanced at the novel that William was reading, Infinite Jest.

“You’re reading Infinite Jest?” Edward asked, picking up the behemoth of a book.

“Yeah,” William sighed, placing a stack of books on a bookshelf. “I think I’m on page 251, I dunno.”

William stared at Edward for a few seconds, looking away once Edward made eye contact.

“So, uh,” William cleared his throat. “What’s for dinner, by the way? There isn’t much in your fridge to eat, I’m not stupid enough to touch the stove after this morning, and it’s getting kinda late.”

Edward walked towards the kitchen. “Did you have anything to eat today?”

“I found a granola bar in the middle of your fridge,” William mumbled.

Taking out a pot, Edward sighed.

“You’re allowed to use my stove,” he mumbled. “Just… watch a few Gordon Ramsay videos before you do, okay?”

Edward cooked spaghetti for the two of them, putting special care and effort into his craft. William watched the entire time, staring at Edward’s face as he meticulously cut up some thyme. He smirked as the other man hummed a light tune, cutting the vegetable with finesse and grace.

“You’re a really good cook,” William said. “Why do you still work for that thief, Krauss?”

Edward shook his head, moving the pot with the spaghetti to a large coaster.

“Even if I tried to find a new job, that pathetic restaurant would fall apart.” He chuckled. “I remember this one time, my coworker, Robert, got fired for a nickel by our boss, and since we’re the only two workers, Krauss had to man the grill. He burned so much food that we lost a bunch of customers, and lemme tell ya, once the man loses money, he does anything to get it back. I had to steal ol’ Bob back from some crazy restaurant owners because they were fighting over who could have him.”

William raised his eyebrows. “Jeez, that sounds insane.”

“It was, and I never want to go through that bullshit again.” Edward served out the spaghetti in two bowls. “But, anyway, the food’s ready.”

William and Edward sat across from each other at Edward’s dining table and started to eat. At his first bite, William closed his eyes and let out a soft groan.

“Holy  _ shit _ , man, this is amazing!” William started to eat faster. Edward stared at him.

“I just followed my Grandma’s recipe.” He shrugged, taking a small bite out of it.

“So, can you actually cook?” The other man asked.

Edward shrugged. “I only cook if I have guests over. Otherwise, I live off of Hamburger Helper and cheap Vodka.”

William furrowed his eyebrows in concern but continued eating.

Once they finished, Edward washed up the plates, William standing next to him, watching.

“Are you gonna do something, or are you just going to stand here and watch me?” Edward asked, frustrated.

“The latter,” William smirked.

Sighing, Edward finished washing the plates. The two men walked upstairs together, William slightly in the front. When they got to the top step, Edward faced William.

“Goodnight, William.” He said, not looking him in the eye.

“Goodnight, Edward.”

The two retreated to their rooms.


End file.
